My version of Office Space ...

• Some people are obscenely liberal with their office-bathroom shits. What's the proper etiquette? It certainly isn't dropping your trousers and splattering the bowl while someone sits beside you.
• "Shucks" isn't a suitable atlernative to "shit," in fact, it's more offensive. We all know what the fuck you mean.
• Why do all fat, middle-aged women with dyed perms and glasses sound and act the same way? Like they have an enourmous stick up their asses, exuding false happiness?
  
• Stop going to the tanning booth if your skin looks like a chesterfield.